I'm really into asian looking animals
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
