How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
