I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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