Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
