I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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