it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
