I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
