dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
