Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
