at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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