you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
