you guys were way drunker than both of me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
