I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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