I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
