I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Still dying that you shit outside
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
