There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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