i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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