a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
