i would punch a child for taco bell
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
