dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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