God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
