He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
