There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
