a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
