I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
