Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
