my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
