Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
