I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
