my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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