listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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