ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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