I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Terrible idea I love it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
