He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
