My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
MIDGETS
????
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
