dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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