I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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