There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
