just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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