I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
