I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
