the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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