better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
