Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
