Cold hands, warm shart.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Of course I have a pirate flag
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
