why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
