No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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