Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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