Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
