it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
