My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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