You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
