Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
