i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
