I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
